down a cup size

I faced a harsh moment of truth this past week. I was laying in bed in my PJs ( the usual pj pants and my Sandia Matadors Football t-shirt with the collar cut off because i hate t shirt collars) reading. I was starting a new book called "Eat, Pray, Love" (check out goodreads.com)

I was just on the 2nd page when i was distracted by something. I couldn't help but notice the giant gap and void space in my bra that didn't used to be there. i quickly sat up, maybe it was how i was laying. Nope. I get up and look in the mirror, front view, side view. All around. extra space in my bra. Why haven't i truly noticed this before?

I have been working really hard at eating healthy and maintaining my eating plan this past month, and i had upped my exercise by like 100 percent these past 2 weeks. I was house and dog sitting and the cute golden retriever Caesar needed daily walking, so we walked hard an hour each day. With more exercise came more water intake too. I have been seeing results on the scale too, nothing major or drastic, just gradual and consistent weight loss. This makes me very happy and i have been working really hard and avoiding all birthday cupcakes in the staff room at work. But why should my chest be the one to take the brunt of this hard work?

I cannot rationalize it anymore i have to honestly go down a cup size. This is shocking and very upsetting to me. I know i know. hooray i have lost weight. I am very proud of myself but this down in bra size thing is scary. I have to go buy new bras this week, and be re-fitted. I have been this same bra size my entire adult life. But girls let me tell you there is no fudging anymore. the negative space within my old bra size is too much to try and hide away. i could fit 2 cell phones and my Zune, and maybe some lip gloss throughout the cups and no one would notice.

So girls tell me, why is this sparking a spiral of sadness and fear within me? I should be thrilled that i am working towards a healthy goal. That night when i was looking in the mirror i called my sister for emotional support. We are at the opposite sides of the bra sizes and body sizes. For graduation all she wanted was breast implants. I don't think she needs them, she some how got the cute well proportioned size 4 genes while i got the "plenty of me to love" side of genes in the Carrell pool. She told me it wasn't a big deal and that she is still smaller than i. Then she said "when i get implants i will go a size larger than you now though." No, that's not fair! I always had the bigger chest. That's the one thing i had. She has the cute body and great hair and I had the bigger chest. Will they continue to get smaller? My arms are smaller, and where they used to be is baggy skin and when i erase a chalk board or something i look like i have bat arms. I am losing my identity and shedding my old body image very slowly but yet enough to where i am freaking out. I joke about it with my room mate when i showed her the shocking vast wasteland in my old bra. But honestly part of me is freaked out, and for the 1st time ever I not excited to go to Victoria's Secret.