" i will not be a side kick," said a friend of mine last night as we drove in the slushy rain to visit more of our married friends. The both of us had just been introduced to the new lady friend of one of our dearest guy friends. a boy we grew up with. This lady friend was lovely, long blond hair, perfect smile, and she fit on his arm so nicely. This a few weeks after a wedding where another dear friend married a girl who looked lovely on his arm. these boys i have known for years, and even dated one in high school. They are both very happy couples. yet being single girls in our mid to late twenties we had no choice but to unhealthily compare ourselves to these girls. its involuntary at times, the way girls compare. so we did.
i realized when one of the above-mentioned boys got engaged that i was the opposite of what he wanted. he is a charming funny boy who always creates and absorbs smiles and chatter in the room. He seemed to know something about everything. he could be so funny, he could be so strong and faithful. he needed and wanted someone to support him and stand by him to laugh at his witty conversation and jokes. a girl who would let him get the attention he always had, and help hold the spotlight on him. he was the superhero, she is the sidekick. the "arthur" if you will. someone who just helped him shine brighter with just a quiet smile and linked arms. as i realized this i had a moment of clarity and closure and happiness for him.
"i'm not that girl" to quote elphaba. its not in me to be the sidekick girl. not that it is bad at all, because obviously it does work so very well for a lot of girls. i will admit and this is not shocking for those who have actually hung out with me in social settings, and are my non-internet based friends, I LOVE THE SPOTLIGHT. i crave it. i love being the center of attention, i love telling the stories and the jokes that make people laugh. i am happiest when i am surrounded by my darling dearest friends talking out if turn and laughing the night away. i am loud and sometimes blunt. i say shocking things at times. things mormon girls shouldnt say on occasion. i talk to strangers in the check out line. i make friends on the bus. i am not a quiet attentive person. i change channels in my brain and conversation the way a scan button works on the radio. i am not an arthur, a duckie, a disney princess (i wouldnt fit in the dresses anyway) EXCEPT BELLE ANDE MULAN, they speak up. like glenda the good witch or sharpay from HSM, i like to be liked. yeah you can mock me cause i mentioned HSM. go ahead.
so i dont know what that means for my future mr dream man. does that mean he will have to be a sidekick? or can i co-exist with a boy who is like me? i cannot say. do i turn away boys because i am overly out going? a few friends tol me i do. should i tone it down and play along? i say no way. i am happy in the end of all this comparing, because i really love who i am. and i am learning to be secure with what i am daily trying to be, my own superhero. i am trying everyday to take my short comings, my insecurities, the things that make me feel green, and put them to good use. and comparing with others in the end, just keeps me down.
until then:
its time to trust my instincts close my eyes and leap! its time to try defying gravity!
somethings i cannot change but till i try i'll never know!
and if i am flying solo at least i am flying free
to those who ground me take a message back from me
tell them i am defying gravity.
1 comment:
I would mock you for mentioning HSM - but I knew that HSM = High School Musical so I would be a hypocrite to mock you.
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