the boy box

its an old sketcher shoe box that has black and yellow stripes. i couldnt tell you what happened to the shoes that came with it, or when i even wore those shoes last. i bought those shoes back in high school, i must have been sixteen. ten years later and i still have this box, on a shelf in my room. For the first time in months i took it off the shelf and opened it up.
i was driving home tonight with my friend crystal when a song came on the radio. Do you ever hear a song that instantly takes you to a memory? No matter how much time has gone by, or what words were said or remained unsaid, you dont even have a conscience choice, you automatically think of someone. It has been a year since i've seen him, and there have been a few dates and a relationship since him.i am sitting in the passanger seat heading south on 7th east and its drizzling outside the car window, the AC is too cold but no one does anything about it. this song comes on, and even though i am over him, and really happy in my life i am forced to think of him. I remember driving in his car late at night in taylorsville, cranking up this song and he and i belting out the words to each other. i can remember what shirt he had on, and that he has a mountain dew in his hand. he was taking me home far later than he should have. he was making me laugh, and we both didnt want the night to end. it was such a vivid memory i could almost touch it.my friend driving wakes me up out of the funk that this song has put me in to ask me about our plans this weekend.
Why do songs do that? where does that power come from to control or alter our mood with a few chords and lyrics? honestly he hasnt crossed my mind in a while, till the song. Now here i am dusting of my sketchers boy box trying to find more memories.
Its kind of cheesy and sentimental of me, but in my boy box i have trinkets and reminders of boys who have changed my life in one way or another. Dried flowers from high school dances, ticket stubs to a lenny kravtz concert, letters from a few boys while on their mormon missions. birthday cards and notes passed in seminary. a stuffed animal i won on my very first date, playing ski ball. a key chain from paris a boy brought back for me. pictures, and pressed flowers from dates. a necklace, a few mix cds made for me. movie ticket stubs. postcards. a baseball cap and 2 t shirts given to me. a few games of mash i liked and kept in highschool, which are now just too funny. its not much really, i mean i can fit it all tightly in a big shoe box. i have seen friends with much larger and more intricate boy boxes. i like mine. it suits me. it has just enough experience in it to get me where me and my self esteem are today. i pick up the one of the t shirts, and zone out again. He had given it to me, i dont even remember why, we were in his room and watching the simpsons. it was from his basic training and he had kept it clean in his top drawer. he never wore it. he gave it to me. i unfold it, and smile at his last name written in the collar. i am in such a good place emotionally now, not when he gave me this shirt, and not when we jammed out to that song. i put it up to my nose to see if his cologne still lingers there. a hint really not much. i take it as a good sign that i am not missing him really, just remembering.
Most of you know how much i have grown and how strong that boy and ending it with him has made me. you know who i am talking about with out even having to say his name. i smile as i fold the shirt back up and put in the box. I wonder what he would think if he could see me now and who i am and how i rely more on my faith because of what he and i went through. i am pleased that song came on tonight. I reaffirmed with in myself that i have those memories any time i want them, and thats all of him i need. thats really all i need from any of those boys in my boy box, the memories and old adventures. I think each trinket is a bit of who i am and who has changed my life for the better. i wouldnt give any of it back, not even the spider man pez dispenser. its funny how a song in passing can open you up to places you havent visited inside you in a while. i love how songs have that power, just like dried flowers and valentines to remind you who you are, and who has contributed to what you are becoming.